


I should have stayed at home....

by RicePips



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Dancing, F/M, Homecoming Ball, Parties, Post-Endgame, Unclear narrator at first, Watching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 05:52:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21230861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RicePips/pseuds/RicePips
Summary: The homecoming ball for the crew of Voyager and someone is watching Kathryn from a distance....





	I should have stayed at home....

**Author's Note:**

> Me again!
> 
> Here's my little take on the homecoming ball idea....
> 
> I do not own the characters or their world, if I did, things would have ended very differently indeed.
> 
> All mistakes are completely my own, I do apologise and hope it doesn't spoil your reading :)

** I should have stayed at home **

I really wished I hadn’t gone that night. I don’t really know what made me go if I’m honest, maybe some masochistic need to bring pain upon myself, or maybe just to see if there was anything left of my old life. I’m sure my invite was out of politeness, rather than anybody’s desire to have me there.

The party was held in honour of _Voyager_ and her crew and their families. Following the official homecoming ball held by Starfleet, the unofficial party was to be held behind closed doors, away from the press. As a crewmember had said to me at the bar, what happened on _Voyager_, stayed on _Voyager_. It seemed that even in the Alpha Quadrant, that unwritten rule still stood.

Now, I found myself as an unwelcome member of the party, standing alone, on the periphery; watching.

If I’m truly honest, the only reason I did go was for her. I needed to see her one last time, one last chance to observe her before she was swept away from me forever. I suppose that sounds awfully dramatic from me, but it’s the truth, I’m not so naïve as to not realise that circumstance or not, I made my bed and now I must lie in it.

It still didn’t mean I couldn’t allow myself a moment of weakness.

Since the official party two hours ago, she had changed out of her dress uniform and was now wearing a stunning midnight blue ball gown that shimmered beneath the elegant chandeliers of the room. The material seemed at this distance to be almost like liquid, it dripped and clung to her body in a way so pleasing that I almost forgot myself by staring openly in adoration.

I’d forgotten how good she could look outside of the damned uniform.

Her auburn hair was pinned into waves, so different from the harsh style she’d favoured in dress uniform. She had diamantes peppering her hair and diamond earrings that sparkled in the light. Despite the silver heels that complemented her outfit, she was still tiny compared to those around her and yet, she commanded all attention.

From where I was standing, glass of champagne slowly going warm in my hand, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I watched as she chatted and laughed with crew members, her hands punctuating her conversation as it always had. I watched the soft touches to hands, arms, chests and felt my own chest constrict painfully, but I still couldn’t bring myself to look away.

The room was filling up and keeping my eyes on her was proving tricky as she began moving around the room, doing her professional rounds no doubt. I’d often been at her side during those tedious things, but now she seemed more than capable of carrying this duty out alone.

I turned back to the bar and took another, colder, glass of champagne and sank it in one before taking another. When I finally looked back across the room, I noticed that the music and mood had changed slightly and now crew members were dancing together or with their partners and family members.

I felt myself searching, trying to locate her, and there she was, the glint of her hair drawing me like a beacon. She was dancing, gazing up at her partner with sparkling eyes, her face alight with barely contained delight as she was spun around, her throaty laugh could be heard above the general hubbub and music. If you could define happiness in one image, it was that moment.

She was back in her partner’s arms and my own stomach and chest twisted painfully again…that had once been me. Whatever her partner was saying to her had her giggling delightedly, his mouth close to her ear and there was no mistaking the way her eyes suddenly darkened in response and how she seemed to gaze back at him with a look of pure desire.

Even from my distance, I could see his hands were far lower than was necessary for this sort of dance, but she certainly didn’t seem to care and from the look of it, nobody else seemed to care either. How quickly people forget the chain of command and the rules they’d once so strictly lived by.

I really should have stopped watching at that point, but my eyes were transfixed, I took another champagne from a passing waiter and kept up my watch. If my open staring had been noted, nobody called me out on it, but then I pondered that nobody probably cared.

Her partner’s head was bent low to her ear again and he was saying something whilst smiling smugly out at the room, the proper cat that’s got the cream, ironic considering his hands were now tracing the creamy skin down her back where her dress dipped low.

She tossed her head back and laughed, her hands stroking up his chest. She reached up on tiptoes and said something back, from the twist of her mouth, my guess would be that it was something saucy for her partner seemed to falter a moment before chuckling heartily.

There was no doubting the nature of their relationship.

The champagne had by this point started to go to my head and legs and I realised that this really would be a good time to leave before I disgraced myself. I’d brought myself enough pain for one evening and seen all I needed to see.

She’d moved on without me. Just as I once moved on without her.

I guess that’s all I ever really wanted to know, was she happy without me? Did I make the right choice? The clear answer was _yes_.

Did it hurt? Hell, yes.

Was I happy without her? Well, that’s a question for another time when my head isn’t quite so mashed by champagne and life. I’d like to say yes. I should say yes.

So, here I am, sitting at a bar, wishing I was anywhere else in the world and still thinking that I made a terrible error of judgement by coming here.

I try to think of how to make my escape, the room is filled, and the doors are manned by staff, plus, my legs really do feel rather wobbly. I decide to sit at the bar for a moment and make myself eat a few of the nuts that languish in a glass bowl to my right. The barman asks if I require another drink and as I hear another throaty laugh from across the room, I order myself a large shot of brandy. Might as well leave with the evening obliterated completely from my mind.

The brandy disappears far quicker than it should. I decide that I really should go and slide from the stool. Looking around, the edge of the room has started to blur slightly. I need to leave, leave her behind and try and forget about the woman who has haunted me for seven years.

I can’t bring myself to look back at her, I don’t want to see her in the arms of another man, I don’t need that memory of her. I have to accept that regardless of circumstances, decisions were made and cannot be revoked.

I stumble my way towards the exit, glancing one time around the room, unable to see her. Probably for the best. I notice a few looks from members of the crew and their friends, they frown slightly at me, but say nothing.

I stagger towards an unmanned exit, it appears to be a fire exit, I just hope it isn’t alarmed as I open it and stumble out of the room, grateful for the change in air. I’ve no real idea where I’m going or how to get out of this place but, blinking a few times, I begin to walk rather aimlessly along the corridor. The corridor seems to get darker and I wonder if I’m heading in the wrong direction, I’m about to turn around when I hear soft voices not too far away, coming from behind a marble pillar. I stop to listen and hear that distinct throaty laugh followed by giggled shushing noises.

I move to get a better view of the rest of the corridor, though I know exactly what I’m about to see. My head is telling me to turn around and leave, but I can’t help myself, I have to see, even if it would be classed as voyeuristic.

And there she is, pinned against the marble pillar, one leg wrapped around his hip. Her hands are either side of his face and they are kissing, his hand is openly on her breast. He moves his attention to her neck and she lets out a moan that can only be described as aroused. In the darkness, I can see the tattoo on his temple and want to turn away, but I can’t.

“I feel like a cadet!” she chuckles as he continues his ministrations.

“I’ll make you feel like something else as soon as we get out of this damned party,” he growls back and she laughs again.

“We should go back in,” she starts to say, but her words are cut off by his mouth back on hers, his hands moving to grab her ass and pull her tight against him. She moans in response and a passing thought filters through my mind that she never once acted like that when we were together. It was always ‘lie back and think of Starfleet’.

Her hands are around his shoulders, bracing herself as he lifts her higher up the marble pillar, the split of her dress falling slightly to reveal a milky toned thigh.

I can’t watch anymore and try to turn as quietly as I can, but in my inebriated state, I stumble and knock against something metal, probably a fire extinguisher. The noise echoes through the empty corridor like a gunshot.

My former fiancé and her first officer break apart and there’s the sound of scuffling. I look to see Kathryn smoothing out her dress and hair, her face hidden by shadows, but I can imagine the embarrassed flush spreading up her cheeks and across her chest.

She suddenly sees me, “Mark!” she exclaims, her voice sounding strangled as she continues to try and make herself look presentable.

I have no idea what to do with myself, instead I offer the most ridiculous, goofy little wave. “Erm…hey,” I manage.

She looks around, her embarrassment clear as she takes a few wobbly steps in my direction, I wonder if she’s weak kneed from embarrassment or the after effects of her first officer’s attentions.

“What are you doing here? That is,” Kathryn seems to struggle for words, not something I’ve ever known of her before. “It’s nice to see you…..have you met my first…” she stops then and seems to reconsider how to introduce us. Not that I want introducing to him.

The man appears at her side, looking less ruffled than she does, but there’s still an awkward aura emanating from the man. He dips his head and seems to consider saying something.

“Sorry, I, er….have to go,” I manage to grit out. “It’s nice to see you again, Kath,” I add before turning and making a mad dash for it.

Yeah, I really should have stayed home with my wife tonight.


End file.
